Bianca has finally appeared on the battle field and is ready to begin the fight!
But, no seriously, it has been way to long. I don't even remember the last time I wrote on this particular side of the blog. I have forgotten the joy that I have felt when writing blog posts, so I'm very grateful that I'm back at it again. As you may already know, we moved to a different state this past summer and it has been absolutely amazing. The only hard part is that I haven't figured out my daily schedule, as I have decided not to do school this semester (but that is an entirely different blog post on it's own -- it's a really big topic). With that being said, I have been trying to keep my wits about me and explore new opportunities and I am incredibly excited to keep going with that.
Okay, so here's the thing. Guys, dudes, men, things, I don't know what you call them, but they are out there and they come in all shapes and sizes and brains. Emphasis on the 'brain' part too.
As long as I can remember, I have always wanted a guy friend. Just a friend. Not a boyfriend. Not a partner. Just a person that was male that I could hangout with and just enjoy my time with.
I thought that was a pretty simple request, but I was dead wrong.
I haven't had a guy friend since I was in kindegarten. Since I have been virtually schooled (homeschooled, basically) my entire life, I don't get to see people very often and when I do, it's only for a field trip or an outing. So I could only make friends with the people at my church, since I saw them on a regular basis.
In my Sunday School classes, though, there was sometimes hardly any or none at all. And since I was a kid then, they were a friend, but I didn't see them outside of church so I wasn't sure if I classified them as a 'friend-friend'.
When I turned ten, that's when the boys started coming and so I would see more of them and start making conversation, but I'm not looking for anything by this point. Conversation is conversation and if I knew past me well enough, I knew that she loved to talk. So it was easy to talk to them. Of course I was thinking that this guy was cuter than the other, but I wasn't going to throw myself in front of them and proclaim my true love that I had only truely understood just moments ago.
No. Not at all.
Eleven through thirteen is when things get weird. Girls are claiming guys that they like and they're giggling in their little packs on who they want to hang out with like it's going to affect their future and if they don't talk behind these boys backs, they aren't going to get a kiss from them or something. It's really weird. I still just want a friend. I mean, I guess I was doing the same thing that the girls were doing but on a different level because I know that real life guys had NOTHING on the fictional characters that I saw dancing with light sabers and solving mysteries on the big screen.
Fictional characters > Real life guys. (100% scientifically proven)
But something started happening when I was thirteen. I made a friend. And it was a boy too. I met him during an online school activity and he was the same age as me, so I thought, 'Heck yeah.' I met him in person when we were talking this math test thing and it was cool! He and I talked about games and school, but mostly games.
And then some more games.
And then some more games.
And then some more.
What was happening again? Like, didn't I just get a friend? Of course at in our household we like to tease each other, but everyone was hardcore teasing me that I liked-liked this boy, which I didn't.
I tried talking about other topics with him but he would always revert back to games and the games that he talked about, I didn't even like very much, but I have this blessing gift (it really is a blessing) that I can stay interested and listen to whatever a person is saying. Whether it be politics, science, mathematics, environmental issues, basically anything. If you're passionate about it, that's all I ask and I don't mind listening.
That's when I discovered something. That there are such things as a
One Topic Friend (rather an acquaintance, but for the sake of a catchy title, it is a 'friend').
One Topic Friend | What It Is
One Topic Friends are the worst and I apologize if you have one.
Unless they are really cool and they don't mind talking about other things.
Than you have a real friend and not a OTF.
Let me establish some boundaries before I dive deep into what an OTF is.
There is a pattern into meeting a new person. You exchange 'hellos' (Greetings), you talk about the weather or how their day has been (Acquaintance), you talk about what happened last week and what they have planned for this week, as well as the occasional Insight-For-Advice section that you add in (Friend), and, lastly, you can talk about boys (or girls), bad eating habits, and strange topics like, I don't know, toilets or feet fungus (Close Friend and/or Best Friend) to said person.
Greeter. Acquaintance. Friend. Close/Best Friend.
These are the four stages I have created to know the relationship that I am with any given person. A OTF, however, is inbetween the Acquaintance Stage and the Friend Stage. In my opinion, there should never be a stage between the two. Never. Because if there is, there is no going back.
Since I was a young girl and I was extremely polite, I didn't fully understand what was happening until I came across the other OTF. This OTF wasn't as bad, I could throw in another topic or two, but it immediately was back again with that specific topic.
When you're friends with an OTF, you are obligated by the process to talk with them, since you are more than just an acquaintance. If you see them in the halls, at the grocery store, or at the gym, under this unsaid 'Rules For Life' board, you have to go and talk to them. If you pretend to ignore them, like pretending that you didn't see or hear them or making sure you don't make eye contact, etc. This won't stop them. Instead, they will take the first step and come up to talk to you. By societal reasons, they should always start with a 'hello' and 'how are you' and then ask 'how has your day been so far' etc. A common and light hearted entry to a conversation.
Next, after they have asked and you have responded, two things should happen next. Either you ask them the same questions, to establish a connection on both sides, or they will begin immediately with the topic that seems to captivate their only interest.
You may try to change the subject, but it normally doesn't work, so (in my case) you just listen polietly to what they have to say and inject comments and opinions, if they see fit to stop speaking.
Now, for me, since I was polite, cute, nice, AND I liked the general topic that they were speaking about (not the subtopics, but there is always a chance to lead the conversation to a subtopic that you enjoy, only if it is in the main topic), all of those things qualified me for one thing.
Love. (Or like-like)
His family knew, my family knew, I knew, he knew, everyone knew. He liked me. Really liked me.
And yes, if the OTF doesn't see you as just a friend, they will see you as a potential lover. It is neither pleasant nor fun, especially if you don't see them in that kind of way.
I didn't particularly enjoy this time, especially since the teasing from my family intensified (Charisma was nice enough not to tease me though), so I was doing my best to lower the friend stage from an OTF to an Acquaintance, which in the end worked.
OTF | The Reverse
Unfortunately, there is a reverse effect to this. It doesn't happen intentionally and it can be avoided, but only if the other party is willing.
There is a chance where you can become the OTF.
It's an awful thing, but let me share an example:
"Hey Alex!" I walked over and sat next to him at the counter.
I HAVE HAD THESE KIND OF CONVERSATIONS FOR YEARS AND I STILL CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHY.
If you want me to talk to you THEN RESPOND WITH ACTUAL ANSWERS MY FRIEND. One long answer will give me enough time to think of a relevant and awe-inspiring response that will give us time to have an actual legit discussion about anything.
In this case, since you want to extend the hand of friendship, you begin the conversation with the normal Greeter response as well as Acquaintanceship responses and you latch onto a topic that you know they are interested in.
Yet if they give these kinds of responses, who is considered the OTF? Unfortunately you.
But any good relationship, no matter which stage, should have an equal balance of communication, understanding, and silence (this depends on the person, but it's sometimes nice to just sit there in silence).
To save the eyes of my readers, I am going to continue this in another post. Thank you so much for reading so far and I hope that you will join me for Part 2, coming in a couple of weeks.
Until Next Time... Adieu
Who We Are
We are twin sisters who like to do almost anything! Inspiring people to get out their creativity is our forte and we strive to travel on magnificent journey through words on a page. Exploration is the doorway to opportunity and the endless possibilities of helping and reaching out to others is something that we endeavor to create. This crazy blog of ours is one of the many ways we hope to achieve that goal.